


blue eyed boy

by IWillNotBeSilenced



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Destiel - Freeform, F/M, Inspired by Poetry, Kinda, M/M, Poetry, Sex, richard siken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 09:21:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7309324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IWillNotBeSilenced/pseuds/IWillNotBeSilenced
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>boys don’t kiss boys. Not even beautiful ones.</p>
<p>Inspired by A Primer for Small Weird Loves by Richard Siken</p>
            </blockquote>





	blue eyed boy

1.  
You struggled at first. But the blonde boy is strong and he’s pushing your head down and your hair is screwed tight in his fist so you can feel his knuckles hard against your scalp. The chlorine makes your eyes sting, so you close them and force your limbs to go still, because he’s right- boys don’t kiss boys. Not even beautiful ones.

 

2.  
There is a ‘for sale’ sign at the gate and there are no stairs in this house. The whiskey drips from the lip of the bottle and runs down your wrist and the dark haired girl runs her tongue along the amber trail left behind. You pull away and bring the bottle to your lips as she takes a knife from her pocket. You already knew it was there. She starts to peel an apple and you ask for some cash so you can leave and maybe you should have asked for something more because she would probably give it; it doesn’t matter to her. It’s just sex.

 

3.  
You look into her eyes but she’s not looking at you. You search for some kind of recognition that she’s not simply lying atop a piece of machinery, designed to do a job, function efficiently, but you get nothing. She only wants you so she can establish a place for herself for the night and a story to reel off in triumph later. You bite at her skin and she slaps you away. Her nails catch and you wince. She’s gone in the morning, but the blood isn’t. It was only an hour, but something is stirring inside you and you’re not sure how long it can be contained. 

 

4.  
He thinks you’re no good. He holds you sometimes but he hit you once, testing to see if he could find his own DNA truly repulsive. You have always been beautiful but it’s been a long time since he’s seen it. Maybe he hits you to see if it will help. Shake something loose and bring back his boy: blunt, obedient, deadly. But a hole has opened in your heart and you filled it in with ice. Maybe he’s right, but you don’t feel anything anymore. 

 

5.  
The blue eyed boy in the sweater and shirt jumps when you stand next to him in line. You didn’t touch him, but you wonder if others have. You didn’t speak, but maybe you should have. But he is nothing to you, so your eyes slide away and you go back to the room with the broken lamp (you punched it last week) and the ceiling fan and your brother and you start to feel things. Soft things like flowers and hard things like fists. The steam from your coffee rises with the smoke from your cigarette and he is nothing to you but he invades your headspace all night. 

 

6.  
Sometimes you like it hard and sometimes you want it soft but it doesn’t matter because they never ask you how you want it and you’d never tell them. You saw the boy from the gas station again, at the diner on the street corner. He looked at you like he could love you but you look away again- you don’t know if you can trust yourself to love him the way that he needs. So you let some girl love you the way that you know; you always hope it will be more interesting. 

 

7.  
The blue eyed boy is at the club and you can’t help but wonder why. You don’t think he’s as screwed as these people and he puts his glass down more often than he lifts it. There aren’t any empty booths so you dance and you feel like you should warn him. His hair is soft beneath your fingers and somehow he ends up in your bed anyway. You let down everyone you love and you can’t bear to add him to the list of people that left, but he kisses you and you let him. He doesn’t hit you or put out his cigarette on your skin; he just lies there and lets you touch him. And maybe now he knows how empty you are inside, maybe he’ll leave you here alone like the others. But he’s still there when you wake up and somehow that burns in a different way.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! As always, comments are very welcome.


End file.
